I admit to being a reluctant participant. While I understood the principle of mindfulness, I had no desire to make it part of my life. I know, I’m not meant to say that. But I have.
Maybe it was the fact that it was recommended to me by so many people in so many places. It would help my depression. It would help with anxiety. It would definitely help my Borderline Personality traits and would help my dissociative disorder. On and on have been the recommendations. Apparently it would help with almost any disorder. Don’t get me started on how mindfulness was meant to help with chronic pain. The only thing was that if someone recommended something to help me, I was more than likely to do the opposite.
It’s not that I didn’t want help. I just pushed away the help that came my way. There have been too many recommendations from all types of quarters from my (ex) mother-in-law to the best of psychotherapists, psychiatrists and pain specialists. Most things recommended actually didn’t work. Some have actually caused me more harm rather than good. I just didn’t want to know anymore.
So any time someone mentioned mindfulness or a programme including aspects of mindfulness I just gave a non-committal answer and quietly backed away. I didn’t want to know. That was until recently.
Before I go on, it’s important to clarify just what I’m talking about when I say mindfulness. So here’s a definition from my fav Oxford Dictionary:
“A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”
I got thinking one day about what is a daily activity for me. It’s one that you might be surprised I am linking to being mindful. Most days I spend time with my mother in the secure Dementia Care facility when she has lived for the past 15 months. Not only do I spend time with my mother but also the twenty-odd other residents and the staff. They have all become a bit like family to me.
It occurred to me that when I go through the locked doors, I leave everything behind me and focus on what is happening at that moment. I can’t focus on any of my stuff. That gets left at the door because Mum needs my complete attention. She is also not well enough to be able to give attention to my stuff. It’s not exactly mindful meditation, but it is focusing on the moment.
Then today I was reading a blog by a woman with early-onset dementia. She said:
“Once you’ve got your head around the diagnosis, don’t dwell on the losses or the future as you have no control over each. Instead enjoy this moment as there are still many adventures and laughter to be had”
She made me think that aside from finding a mindful approach the only way to cope with visiting my mother, it was also an approach for those facing diagnosis of illness. It’s far from an easy illness, or an easy place to visit, let alone be there day after day. But there are fun moments. There are adventures to be had. I leave my troubles at the door and venture forth into Mum’s reality. That is all that matters for the time I am there.
While those thoughts have been gradually forming in the background of my mind, I almost literally stumbled a few months ago onto a more conventional form of mindfulness through meditation. I was truly desperate to quiet the tinnitus in my head one night. Having bought a new phone I had lost the app that I used to use a night for nature sounds.
Instead, I came across the app Calm which offers mindfulness meditation. I was listening to it before my rebellious mind had a chance to say no. What’s more, I found the sleep story I listened to, was quietening my mind, focusing on one thing. Now.
For as long as I remember, I have had trouble with over-thinking while I am supposed to be going to sleep. It has been like an automatic switch that pings me into thinking and worrying about everything. As a sufferer of anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) I didn’t have a hope of getting to sleep until I finally collapse in exhaustion. Using sleep stories to focus my attention, I am getting to sleep much quicker and not becoming anxious about the whole night time and sleep thing.
Having found mindfulness useful in sleep I have started using meditations offered by Calm. Yes, really. Me. I admit I have been amazed at how calm I can be after meditating and how it helps me throughout the day.
But I am slow to change my daily routine to make sure I build into each day some time for meditation. I also still find myself amazed to even be going here. Me? Mindfulness? I would have said never. Not for any really solid reasons but simply because I had got a thing in my head and simply wasn’t going to go there.
Well, now I am.
I finish with a rather long quote, but one that I wish I had read, and had the willingness to take on board, many years ago:
“I’m simply saying that there is a way to be sane. I’m saying that you can get rid of all this insanity created by the past in you. Just by being a simple witness of your thought processes.
It is simply sitting silently, witnessing the thoughts, passing before you. Just witnessing, not interfering not even judging, because the moment you judge you have lost the pure witness. The moment you say “this is good, this is bad,” you have already jumped onto the thought process.
It takes a little time to create a gap between the witness and the mind. Once the gap is there, you are in for a great surprise, that you are not the mind, that you are the witness, a watcher.
And this process of watching is the very alchemy of real religion. Because as you become more and more deeply rooted in witnessing, thoughts start disappearing. You are, but the mind is utterly empty.
That’s the moment of enlightenment. That is the moment that you become for the first time an unconditioned, sane, really free human being.”
Thanks for reading!